The true meaning of marriage.
I've posed the question to quite a number of intelligent, successful married people over the past week. I made it very basic...in fact, I dumbed it down to the max: What is marriage?
The responses have been less than definitive. As in: "Uhhh...It's a contract...uhhh between two people. ummm yeah, that's what it is". Or "marriage is a union between a man and a woman, sanctified by a religious institution...I think... like, anything else would be, like, a civil union, right?"
Remember, these weren't brain dead surfer dudes. As I said, these were intelligent, successful people, however when confronted with this seemingly very basic question about a seemingly very basic part of our lives they were, shall we say, dumbfounded. But think about it... how would you answer this question? Before you do I would suggest you go to Salon.com and read, What Does Marriage Mean? a particularly perceptive article on the subject by the extraordinarily talented Dan Savage. His premise, presented in an entertaining, down-to-earth, accessible manner, is that marriage has become terrifically difficult to define. Would anyone disagree?
The responses have been less than definitive. As in: "Uhhh...It's a contract...uhhh between two people. ummm yeah, that's what it is". Or "marriage is a union between a man and a woman, sanctified by a religious institution...I think... like, anything else would be, like, a civil union, right?"
Remember, these weren't brain dead surfer dudes. As I said, these were intelligent, successful people, however when confronted with this seemingly very basic question about a seemingly very basic part of our lives they were, shall we say, dumbfounded. But think about it... how would you answer this question? Before you do I would suggest you go to Salon.com and read, What Does Marriage Mean? a particularly perceptive article on the subject by the extraordinarily talented Dan Savage. His premise, presented in an entertaining, down-to-earth, accessible manner, is that marriage has become terrifically difficult to define. Would anyone disagree?
posted by Patricia Hannigan at 7:17 PM
3 Comments:
Interesting...I wonder what the responses from 'intelligent, successful' non-married people would look like. Do singles have a better understanding of marriage than married people? Maybe distance offers better perspective.
I would agree that marriage is indeed enigmatic. I'm married, and I don't completely understand it. But marriage is not unlike most close relationships, where one has to establish an analogy to help an outsider understand the nature of the relationship. "Paul and I are like brothers." "She's not just my lover, she is my best friend."
Sex complicates marriage (and other deep-love relationships where trust is not withheld), and the definition of marriage. Not just the act of sex, but the undeniable intimacy that comes with it. I would venture a guess that 'your' life partner knows more about you - likes, dislikes, the spot that makes you shiver when touched - than you could imagine anyone else knowing about you. And ditto for you about your life partner. Sometimes you need to spend the time learning these things to get to the sex, and sometimes the sex gets you there. In the end, though, it's about the sharing. And knowing that you want to share it with THIS person, and no one else.
So what's the meaning or definition of Marriage? Sure, it's difficult to define. But back me into a corner and I'd tell you that marriage is the trust that exists between the people wearing the rings. Understand the nature of the trust, understand (the) marriage.
The successful melding of friendship and business.
My wife and I have been happily married for over twenty years, and it just keeps getting better.
Mike and Wendy Adams
(I am a little late on this post, I can elaborate if you like)
Interesting...funny I should be reading this. A week ago a stranger visited my office. We struck up a conversation and I briefed him on some of the reasons I'm in South Texas. He asked if I were married, and I said no, and my former wife was remarried and happily living in Vermont. I normally don't elaborate on that bit of history, but he was curious. He said I seemed happy, which I am, for many reasons.
He came back yesterday and we talked again. That's why I'm commenting. He said that he and his wife of 20 years weren't having sex. Now, I should have stopped him right there...too much information!! Like I said, I don't know the guy. He said this all started after her historectomy, and he was thinking of leaving her because of that. Boy, did I drop in with a big "Wait-a-minute!!" told him for the most part my marrige had been good! and to think about what he just said!
Then I backed out of the conversation as quickly as possible! Right on Pat!! "What really is Marrige?"!
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